You smell like a Billy Joel song
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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