He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
