Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
