Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
