At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
