Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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