i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
