Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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