Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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