The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
