Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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