Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
