exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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