I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
