This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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