If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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