3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
