Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
