Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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