I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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