I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
