I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
