If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
