it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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