you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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