Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
