Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
