I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
