OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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