FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
