I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
