sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
