I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
