My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
