I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
