just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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