so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
