so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
