Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
