Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
