he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
