Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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