I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
