I seem to have left my pride at pride
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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