I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
