You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
