And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
