i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
