$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
