I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
