Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
