Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
